Emails with Attachments (updated)

In the ediscovery world, the term “family” defines a group of electronic documents produced when we process an email that has documents attached to it. The email is the parent and any attachment is considered a child. If one of the children have an attachment, it is called a grandchild. Its a family and they are related to one another, get it? Maybe it’s coincidence or maybe not, either way I’ve been working with a client this week on an issue with some children he didn’t expect to have. The parent email didn’t indicate in any of it’s data that it had children, but it had 7 of them. That’s a big family!

Well I’ve been thinking about children a lot more lately and consequently opening discussions with loved ones why people come to want kids, parental responsibilities, love, selfishness and so on and so on.

Not that I’m having a change of heart, its that my heart is broken. And my heart is a very powerful force as I found out the first time Robin and I broke up. I’m glad I found my heart then, but now its becoming somewhat of a problem. It keeps demanding that my brain take bad measures to heal it. My mind is pretty made up that it is strictly against that, even if my heart has to go cripple for years. But my mind waivers sometimes in those emotions. I’m glad that Robin told me it would help her the most if I do not to change my mind. My heart will not cross that line because it is in stalemate. Her request is a fortified stone castle with two thousand men waiting for my heart to attack.

My mother left a comment on my blog that she wanted to say some things but thought it was inappropriate. Of course I was curious and assumed the hush was due to the audience I have on my blog. When I called her, it was great to hear that my assumptions were wrong. She wanted to tell me about her feelings as a mother of five children but hushed because she didn’t feel it was her place to guide me in a “certain” direction. Well I have to point out that she is my unconditionally loving mother and has every place to tell me any of her feelings regardless of whatever direction it may be pointing towards. We did talk and came to some conclusions. Having a loving relationship takes selflessness. Which is the opposite of selfishness, sis. Not everyone is at a state to support a multitude of these relationships. It takes some insight to know the magnitude of love your heart can handle. When my father got on the phone to tell me how it is, with a disclaimer about how what he had to say is not how it is but just his perspective, he said he’s glad that he got married and had children at a young age. He said its really difficult to raise five children especially when he had so many hobbies and interests. I’ve actually always felt this about him. He is so talented and I’ve wondered why he didn’t pursue a life devoted to his talents. He told me that love fulfills his life and he has so much of it around because of family. I do get where he is coming from. While some friends share the same love with you as family does, mostly there is not any specific devotion involved. If there was that devotion, my heart wouldn’t care that Robin and I broke up. I’d know we’d still be devoted and love each other…as friends. Not the same right?

My father, he respects my position and suggests that there are alternatives to love and devotion from family. I do know these things and that is the point. Because I want to make it to a certain grade of accomplishment with music, the magnitude I can handle for love and devotion is my current family and a partner. It ties in with love and devotion to myself. Isn’t that the key to happiness? Love yourself and you will be able to love others? It sucks I had to bring friends into this to prove a point, but no worry. I’ve learned a thing or two about devotion to friends after my move to NYC seven years ago. I’m not making that mistake again, but that’s for another post.

Now it is apparent. I’m a little embarrassed I missed it before. I realize now that all the discussions Robin and I had about children didn’t have anything to do with her wanting them or not. Previously I was convinced she didn’t know if she did. Could she have been making up her mind if our relationship was worth the sacrifice of a childless life? I think the situation is mirrored now. Now I’m wondering if our relationship would have been worth it to also have children. The ultimate truth is, it doesn’t matter what changes or new revelations I might have. We’ve decided that I have a new bed all to myself and its lonely as hell.

Update: While talking with one of my best friends from New York about this last night, something occurred to me that I really felt the need to add to this post. My father and mother are great parents and raised me and my siblings with love that will resonate with us through out our lives. Part of this love comes full circle and helps put the love in the family my parents helped continue from where their parents left off. I’m not sure of their intentions for creating a family, but it came to me that like every relationship, you cannot expect a specific result. Especially, I would assume, when your are the creator of the other person in that relationship. Take my scenario for example. If my parents were to only have me as their child, they would not have grandchildren or a son that lives in the same city as them. While I know they respect my decision to lead my life this way, it might be heart breaking to them if they expected to have what they have now with my siblings who did follow the path of picking up the family. Or in a worse scenario, but not uncommon, a child might go down the path of drug addictions or being a murderer. The point, of which I came to realize, is that even if I felt the need to have a family to fulfill my quota for love, it would be detrimental to assume having children is the key to this fulfillment. But rather the reason to have a child should be rooted in the need to give unconditional love to this person for the remainder of your life.

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